Wellbeing & friendshipsAges 5–126 min read
By Melissa Sullivan ·
Helping an Anxious Child: Signs and Coping Skills
Signs of anxiety in children, what to say in anxious moments, coping skills to practice at home, and clear guidance on when to get professional help.
Every child feels worried sometimes, and a little anxiety can even help them focus. Anxiety becomes a concern when it lasts, gets in the way of school, friends or sleep, or keeps your child from things they used to enjoy. You can help at home by staying calm, gently facing fears instead of avoiding them, and teaching simple coping skills, and you should talk to your pediatrician if worry is affecting daily life.
Watch for worry that persists, stomachaches and headaches, sleep trouble, irritability and avoidance. Respond with calm confidence, validate feelings without feeding the fear, and help your child take small brave steps. If anxiety interferes with daily life or lasts for weeks, ask your child's doctor for an evaluation. Anxiety in children is treatable.
Normal worry or something more?
Worry is part of growing up. A first sleepover, a spelling test or a new school can all bring nerves that pass. Queensland's Children's Health service says anxiety becomes a concern when it starts interfering with activities your child usually enjoys, lowers their quality of life, or lingers instead of passing quickly.
The CDC adds that fears or worries are a sign to pay attention to when they continue past the age when they're typical, or when they interfere with school, home or play. A toddler's fear of the dark is expected. The same fear at 11, keeping your child awake every night, is worth a closer look.
Signs of anxiety in children
Anxiety shows up in the body and behavior as well as in words. Signs drawn from the CDC and Children's Health Queensland include:
| Type of sign | What you might notice |
|---|---|
| Body | Stomachaches, headaches, tiredness, a racing heart, feeling dizzy or short of breath |
| Sleep | Trouble falling asleep, nightmares, wanting to sleep with a parent |
| Feelings | Frequent worry, irritability, anger, feeling overwhelmed or scared |
| Thoughts | A racing or blank mind, trouble making decisions, "what if" questions on repeat |
| Behavior | Avoiding feared situations, needing constant reassurance, distress over mistakes or changes in plans |
The CDC notes that some anxious children keep their worries to themselves, so signs can be easy to miss. Quiet, "good" kids can be anxious too.
Common types of childhood anxiety
The CDC lists separation anxiety, specific phobias, social anxiety, generalized anxiety and panic disorder. You don't need to name the type. A professional can do that.
A live class on thisCharacter Strengths and Resilience: Identify Your StrengthsAges 6–18What to say and do in the moment
Mount Sinai's parenting team offers clear guidance for anxious moments. Here's how it looks in practice:
- Stay calm yourself. Your tone and body language tell your child whether a situation is safe. Slow your voice and breathing first.
- Name the feeling. "You're feeling really nervous about the test. That makes sense." Respect the feeling without making it bigger.
- Show confidence in them. "This is hard, and I know you can handle it."
- Avoid rescuing. Removing your child every time they get upset can teach them that fear means "leave."
- Praise brave effort. Notice the step they took, even if it was small.
It's natural to say "Nothing bad will happen" over and over. If your child needs the same reassurance many times a day, try answering once, then shifting to "What could you tell yourself right now?"
Coping skills to practice at home
Teach these when your child is calm, so they're ready when worry shows up.
- Slow breathing. Slow, steady breaths give your child something calm to focus on. Our guide to calming breathing exercises for kids has simple ones to try together.
- Worry time. Set a 10-minute daily slot to talk through worries, then close the "worry box" until tomorrow.
- Body check. Help your child notice where worry lives in the body, like a tight tummy or clenched fists.
- Brave ladders. Break a fear into small steps. For a child scared of sleepovers, that might be a playdate, then a late dinner at a friend's, then the sleepover.
- Helpful thoughts. Practice swapping "I'll mess up" for "I've practiced, and I can try."
- Steady routines. Children's Health Queensland recommends good food, regular activity and enough sleep, plus a network of people your child can talk to.
Look after your own stress too
Children pick up on how the adults around them handle worry. When you name your own feelings out loud ("I'm nervous about my meeting, so I'm going to take a few slow breaths"), you show your child what coping looks like. Make time for your own sleep, support and breaks, and ask for help if you're feeling overwhelmed.
Some families also find that a live mindfulness or feelings class gives kids a fun, low-pressure place to practice these skills with others.
When to get professional help
- Worry or fear is affecting school, friendships, sleep, eating or family life.
- Your child avoids places or activities they used to enjoy.
- Symptoms last for weeks or keep coming back.
- Your child has panic episodes with sudden intense fear, a pounding heart or trouble breathing.
- Physical complaints like stomachaches keep happening with no medical cause.
- You feel stuck, or your efforts at home aren't helping.
The CDC suggests starting with an evaluation from your child's primary care provider or a mental health specialist. It also notes that the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recommends anxiety screening for children ages 8 to 18. Treatment may include behavior therapy, with parents closely involved for young children, or cognitive-behavioral therapy for older kids. A provider can advise whether medication should be part of the plan.
If your child talks about wanting to hurt themselves or not wanting to be alive, get help right away. In the US, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or call 911 in an emergency.
Frequently asked questions
At what age does anxiety show up in kids?
Anxiety can appear at any age. Some fears are typical at certain ages, like separation worries in young children. It's a concern when fears last past the expected age or get in the way of daily life.
Should I let my anxious child skip things that scare them?
Avoidance brings quick relief but tends to make anxiety stronger over time. Help your child face fears in small, manageable steps, with lots of support.
Can stomachaches really be anxiety?
Yes. Stomachaches and headaches are common physical signs of anxiety. Check with your pediatrician first to rule out other causes.
Will my child grow out of it?
Mild worries often ease with time and support at home. When anxiety interferes with daily life, professional treatment helps, and children can recover well with the right support.
Help your child build calm, everyday coping skills
Live classes on emotions, mindfulness and handling worry give kids a friendly space to practice breathing, naming feelings and brave thinking with a teacher.
